Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
