Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
