Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
