It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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