listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
