I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
