Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
