ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
