It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
