so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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