Cold hands, warm shart.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Randomize
