dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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