At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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