Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
