we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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