How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize