BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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