I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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