I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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