alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
