Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
