really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
