Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
