why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
