It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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