Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize