I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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