woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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