grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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