This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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