fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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