cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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