I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize