Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
