i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
