He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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