I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
