Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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