Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
