dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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