All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
