He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
