i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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