I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
