3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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