he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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