hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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