His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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