This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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