i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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