I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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