What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
