He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
