i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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