he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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