I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
