i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
