He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
