i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
