everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
