I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
