He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
