I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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