how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
