tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
