dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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