i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
