I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Text me some of your sweat
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize