perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
