I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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