so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
