i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
