my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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